L.A. Unconfidential: #1

The first in a series of slightly irrelevant looks at my adopted city(*) and things to do whilst here...

So congratulations, you've decided to escape the decidedly Siberian winter (opening day of the first class cricket season cancelled due to... snow. In April...) and have had enough of Eton Dave, Gideon and their chums screwing the Country, and head off Southern California...

Firstly, don't fly to into Los Angeles International (LAX). 

If you must fly direct, Fly into San Francisco, hire a car (look you're going to probably need a car anyway, L.A. hasn't really grasped the concept of pubic transport or "Commie socialist, liberal mass transit" as it is derided here) and spend a day or so winding gently down the Pacific Coast Highway, through the Monterey Peninsula, Big Sur, Cambria, San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara and Malibu before reaching the City of Angels (this way you can also arrive at the Santa Monica "Gateway")

But anyway, back to the topic in hand: LAX. 
 
Actually the only real problem with LAX is that it's too small to handle the volume of traffic... That and it's outdated, there's no reliable air side transfer between terminals, food choices can be distinctly hit and miss (burger or pizza, anyone?) and the joys of spending nearly two hours in queues for immigration and customs at the cavernous hell that is the Tom Bradley Terminal "holding pen" certainly put a dampener on the whole "Bienvenidos" experience... Oh and let's not forget the TSA "experience" on the way home...

Now theoretically LAX should be an ideally placed transport hub. It's only a few blocks from the 405 and 105 freeways and exits north, south and east. Unfortunately, this tends to result in the first L.A. tourist experience - the joys of mile after mile of bumper to bumper traffic jams. And only in L.A. could you have a metro rail link that's actually a mile from the airport (see comment on L.A. and mass transit).

But hey, you're here now - you've discovered that the US and UK really are two nations separated by a common language, put in a baggage claim as you discover that the pristine bag that was loaded onto the flight rolls of the carousal after appearing to be put through an industrial grade mangle, navigated the multi-colour kerb signs and found the shuttle to the airport car rental. All that's left is to fight your way through traffic to your hotel or lodging of choice...

And one final word of advice. Be careful with those airline flight / hotel deals. We had friends who were visiting and had booked a "Hollywood" Hotel. However, visions of strolling down Hollywood Blvd past the Chinese Theater and on the Walk of Fame (trust me, they're both just a little tacky) were put abruptly on ice. Yes, their hotel was on Hollywood, and yes, technically they were in Hollywood... East Hollywood... East of the 101 and close to the Little Armenia district (hey, less I get flamed, there's nothing wrong with Little Armenia - but if you've visions of "Hollywood" Hollywood, it's a bit of  surprise...). Use TripAdvisor (it's full of opinionated comment, just like here in fact). There are a gazillion hotels in L.A. You'll find at least one that fits your requirements...

(*) OK, so I actually live in Ventura County, some 40 miles or up to a couple of hours in bad traffic (and you think the M25 is a car-park... Try the 405...), but on the basis that: 
(i) L.A. is in reality 30+ cities struggling for their own unique identity

(ii) Given creeping urban sprawl it probably won't be that long before L.A.and Ventura Counties fuse into one seamless metropolitan region. Currently you can drive from the edge of the San Fernando Valley some 80 miles East or South into an ever increasing concrete and stucco landscape

(iii) People outside of the States have heard of Los Angeles... Thousand Oaks on the other hand

(iv) As the delightful Bethany Cosentino and Best Coast point out, this is the "only place..."